I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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