I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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