i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
