We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
