Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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