dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
