i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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