He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
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