dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
