Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
