i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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