What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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