You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
His nipple licking is glorious
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