Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
