she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
