we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
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