Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
