i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
