It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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