nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
