We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
