I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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