Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
