never play flip cup with pint glasses
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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