After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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