I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
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