There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
