Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
