Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
