I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
