Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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