This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
My cat gives me a boner
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
