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No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
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