very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
