i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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