I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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