I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
