Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
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