I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
