Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
