i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
