I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
