Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
