I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
My balls are so social today.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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