So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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