After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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