White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
