im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
