so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
