Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He's on the porch naked. Help.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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