You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
